


learn to love me

by cuddlesjm



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Insecure Mark, M/M, Mark says one bad word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22971484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlesjm/pseuds/cuddlesjm
Summary: "If any two people on this earth are meant to be together, Mark Lee, I swear to you it is us. I want to come home to you after a long day. To have you for more than the minute you allow yourself to be happy. You're my end game Mark."
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 11
Kudos: 95





	learn to love me

**Author's Note:**

> i started this like a year ago i think,, mark does say one swear word out of frustration and they are arguing in the beginning but they come to an agreement in the end. if you're not a fan of angst this one might not be for you, please take care. if you do choose to read please tell me what you think! enjoy <3

"Don’t. Don’t you dare stand there and tell me you didn't mean it, Mark Lee,” Donghyuck seethes. Mark can’t even look him in the eye, too afraid to face Donghyuck and crumble. Instead he stares at the floor, tugs at the little hairs on the back of his neck.

“Don’t you dare say this was just another one of your flings. Don’t open your mouth and say things you really don’t mean because if you do this, if you say things while you're way up there where you think nothing can reach you. Where you're invincible and have no care for anybody else,” Donghyuck’s voice grows louder with each word. He does not move but Mark cowers into himself in a mix of guilt and shame. “I swear to God, this will be the last time you see me. I swear on everything I own, I'll leave. Right here, right now."

There was a fire the size of Hyuck's entire body roaring inside of him. It filled the entirety of the room with the murky, smoke infused perfume of rage. Seething, reckless rage.

He would not sit here while Mark Lee left everything he'd poured his entire heart into up to something so small and unimportant like the phrase he'd just uttered. He didn't mean it? He didn't _mean_ it?

Hyuck did. Hyuck had left every inch of himself in every corner, in every step they took together, in every kiss, in every whisper of love. Hyuck had given Mark more than there was to give.

"It’s not what you’re thinking Hyuck," Mark’s voice cracks with every new word. He is desperate to piece them back together even though he himself is falling apart.

Mark’s person radiates desperation, it swarms around him and throws him off kilter. The need to hold onto something tightens his chest. He can’t breathe right, can’t see straight. The ground feels like it is slipping out from beneath his feet. All he can think of is Donghyuck. Hyuck. Hyuck. Hyuck.

"Then what is it? What else could you possibly mean?" Donghyuck fumes. His vision has changed filters, everything is red. 

"I didn't mean to fall in love," Mark’s eyes do not leave the floor as he says this. He’d never been this honest and open about his own emotions before, it physically took its toll on him. He had been asking too much of himself without thinking and had left himself drained.

Donghyuck had never seen him look this small. He had watched Mark parade himself around, watched him walk into a room and become the center of it’s universe like it was just another line on his to-do list but he had never seen Mark like this.

"I didn't mean to enjoy the time we spent together so much. I didn't mean to fall for your warm touches and the feeling of holding your hand in mine,” Mark says, his shoulders lift the slightest bit at the confession like setting his thoughts free had lifted some of his burden. “The thought that I could have lived my entire life without ever hearing your voice hurts me Donghyuck. It hurts."

“I love you so much, Donghyuck. I love you so fucking much.”

Mark stops. He needs to breathe, to regroup. He has to choose his next words carefully. He's already revealed too much. Everything is going wrong, he is spiraling out of control.

He can see how his words begin to affect Donghyuck. The shock registering on his face, the confusion. In all the months, in all the hours and days they'd spent together, Hyuck had never heard those words leave Mark's mouth. Love?

"But this thing we have- whatever it is - it won't work. We fight until we're screaming and crying, until both of us are yelling things we don't mean, casting stones at each other for what? To see who can cause the other the most pain?” Mark is practically choking on his words now and Donghyuck has to remind himself that neither of them will benefit from him running to Mark’s rescue. Mark has to let everything out first. “Hyuck, this is toxic. We are so toxic. This isn't doing either of us any good, can’t you see that?”

“Mark please breathe,” Donghyuck worries for him, even in this situation. It only proves to Mark even more that they cannot keep on like this.

“I can't bear to hurt you anymore, that's why this has to end. Because I love you."

Mark loved Donghyuck more than anything he'd ever held close, more than anyone and everyone. Which is why he would make this decision for him. Donghyuck had been everything Mark never truly felt he deserved and even then Mark had taken him for granted.

Now it was time to give him up, so that Hyuck could be loved the way he deserved. So that he could have a chance at a love that didn’t make him cry.

Mark, with a weakening reserve and a heart destined to break, ignores the aching feeling in his chest, represses the sobs threatening to choke out of him and opens his mouth - ready to speak whatever words he can to end things before they become worse. Before Hyuck opens his and says the words that make him stay.

Although, Donghyuck had always been one step ahead of Mark and this time would be no different. He’d seen it coming from the moment Mark’s eyes drifted away from his and Mark was right. He wouldn't let Mark do this to them. He couldn't even think of a future without Mark Lee at his side. He would not let Mark slip through his fingers like Mark so desperately wanted him to.

"Please stop doing this yourself Mark. Stop giving up everything just because you're scared of what it can lead to. Don’t let your fears take you away from the people you love, away from me,” Now Donghyuck begins to move closer, slow and steady so that he does not frighten Mark more than he already has. 

His voice quiets. “Mark, this is where you belong." 

Donghyuck thinks he can feel the anger leave. It evaporates from the surface of his skin as he closes the distance between them. As always, he can never stay angry with Mark for too long.

"If any two people on this earth are meant to be together, Mark Lee, I swear to you it is us. You're the voice I want to hear whispering words of comfort in my ear, the one I want cheering me on from the sidelines,” Donghyuck visually softens when he reaches for Mark’s hands and Mark hesitates only a second before he places them in his. “I want to wake up to you on mornings when it's too hard to get out of bed but even more so, I want to come home to you after a long day. To have you for more than the minute you allow yourself to be happy. You're my end game Mark. It has always been and it'll always be you and me, Mark Lee."

“I can’t keep doing this to us,” Mark whispers sadly. He can do nothing to stop his breaths from shaking, his fingers from trembling. He can’t do anything to make himself believe he isn’t the reason why Donghyuck cannot find his happy ever after.

“We will make it through this,” Donghyuck whispers back, he has lowered his voice to match Mark’s so that he knows Donghyuck will work with him. This is him telling Mark they can face this. “Together.”

“This is too much. I can’t do this Hyuck. I can’t,” Mark’s eyes are glassy as they lift up to meet Donghyuck’s, they tremble and his lip quivers. “I’m trying to save you from me.”

The first tears begin to fall from Mark’s eyes and Donghyuck feels his heart shatter.

“Mark,” Donghyuck pulls him into his arms and Mark latches onto him, body already heaving with his sobs. ”Mark, please listen to me. I do not need to be saved, especially not from you and I know it is hard for you to believe this right now but the truth is you make my life so much better. I know you can do this baby, because you are Mark Lee and you never give up. I will be right here in this with you wonderboy, every step of the way.”

Mark only squeezes him tighter, a silent admission but it is enough for Donghyuck. Together they will get through this, one step at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> my twt is httpminhyung and my cc is fairyjae if you want to interact or leave something!! thank you for taking the time to read <3


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